The Aneman-Pirran Border Wars - Sessions 7 and 8

The Party:

• David Van Stone, 7th level Half-elf Warlock (Celestial Patron) - Former Aneman army officer.
• Van Darkholme, 7th level Half-elf Warlock (Sentinel Patron) - Vigilante crime fighter and former Aneman city planner.
• Wellston Plumbago, 7th level Half-elf Warlock (Great Old One Patron) - The world's only known Drow "ambassador".

The trio finished cataloging the treasure in the iron vault and prepared to get filthy as they cleared out the lair of the fungus goblins. Although they had some concerns about getting infected by fungus goblins spores (?????), a few castings of Hunger of Hadar and the liberal application of flaming oil to a vile spawning chamber were enough to cleanse the place of its sticky, mildewy taint. Wellston appropriated the CROWN OF THE FUNGUS GOBLIN KING (a woven bundle of muddy twigs and bent forks) and wore it proudly out of the burning chambers.

Before departing, the trio scouted beyond the ledge covered in deadly dungeon barnacles (their terrible, rasping tongues! their horrible, paralytic embrace!) and found astonishing secrets. Deeper into the cavern was the imposing marble and gold edifice of an armored Imperial vault, a massively built 40ft-square door that had been teleported directly into the bedrock. Three barrel-sized locks with equally enormous keyholes dominated the face of the door--and in the center, a blood-red pustule that throbbed to the beat of an unseen heart.

Recognizing the door for what it was, the trio set to opening it. They discovered that the large key Van had been using as an arcane focus opened the first lock, but any attempt to bypass the other two resulted in the growth on the door leeching their precious bodily fluids straight out of their pores from any distance within sight. Worse still, the knobby thing seemed to quickly recover from any wounds inflicted on it.

The trio effected a tactical retreat and made some plans. A ritual bubble of safety from Leomund's Tiny Hut was erected, and a pair of Hunger of Hadars were dumped on the terrible thing, which withered from the extended milky caress of extraplanar tentacles. With the magical defense removed, the party continued their examination of the door--but ultimately found it impenetrable. Wellston transformed himself into a cloud of vapor to explore the inner workings of the locks and found the actual mechanisms extended at least 20 feet into the door--if not magical, then complex beyond comprehension. Van resealed the first lock and the three Warlocks departed, wondering aloud how to find other keys that might open the door. 

With goblins slain and treasure gathered, they returned to the surface and gathered their retainers before retracing their steps to Ironfork. The townsfolk were both relieved and baffled to hear that their woes had been the result of a strange goblin infestation, and were more than happy to listen to the trio's advice to leave the complex entirely alone. 

The Warlocks rested and recovered, identifying their newfound gear and attending to their various wounds. Van took a long bath to discover if his hollow body was watertight from the inside (it wasn't) and attempting to discover just how stretchy he now was (no more than normal).

The party figured out that the arrow that was putting Wellston directly into a panic/fight-or-flight response was a +3 Arrow of Drow Slaying, and they resolved to generally keep it hidden when they didn't want Wellston to climb the tallest person in the room like a tree and attempt to nest in their hair. The strange ceramic cube was discovered to be a magical box containing a floating ceramic orb. Wellston determined that it contained a very low-level intelligence, "much like a dog", and pronounced a warning that it would attempt to have sex with each of them, "much like a dog." 

Nobody felt like arguing with him, and the box and orb went back into the Bag of Holding where everyone did their best to forget about them as quickly as possible.

~ ~ ~

The next day, the trio and their retainers return to the Archpriest's fortress at Mt. Gaspar. There, they presented the spoils of their expedition to the Archpriest:

• One (1) entirely invulnerable lemon-yellow skeleton jelly (frozen in a block of horse-trough water).
• Three (3) whole occultum coins, which Wellston has only barely resisted liquifying and injecting directly into himself.
• One (1) CROWN OF THE FUNGUS GOBLIN KING
• A lengthy description of their encounter with the berbalang in the depths of the Tomb of the Serpent Kings
• An additional explanation of Van's new hollow body and the serpent-man lich, Xiximanter, that inflicted it on him, as well as a vivid description of Xiximanter's deranged mental state.

The Archpriest advised the trio to return to Libussa for some brief rest and an exploration of their new homes and duties. Church scribes, he explained, were hard at work decoding a cyphered document listing other places of potential worth for the war effort. The party said their goodbyes and departed by train.

The Pirran capital bustled, even in the thick winter snow, and the trio parted ways for a while to attend to their own business. Van retained their half-elf alchemist, Eva Benedict, for the production of alchemical silver essence, when David and Wellston enjoyed the comforts and pleasures of their new homes. Wellston bought a fancy admiral's hat.

~

A week later, Van abruptly heard the voice of the Archpriest ringing clearly in his mind. The sending spell intoned: 

CYPHER DESTROYED BEFORE TRANSLATION COMPLETE.

SABOTEUR AMONG US. GUARD TRIPLED.

NEW PLAN. ANEM DESTROYED NEURIED DAM, SEARCHING BEYOND FOR MAGIC?

HELP FLOODED TOWN. DENY ANEM.

Van gathered his companions, more or less stormed the Libussan academy to find a mage who personally knew the Archpriest in order to send a reply, and asked for confirmation of both the Archpriest's identity and of their new mission.

Mission confirmation requested. Restate mission location and objective. What did Wellston call you?

The response was immediate: 

HELP REMAINING VILLAGERS IN NEURIED.

RACE ANEM ARMY TO SALVAGE.

BEWARE THIRD-PARTY SCAVENGERS.

WELLSTON OFTEN CALLED ME TOP DADDY.

UNFORTUNATELY. GOOD LUCK.

~

The trio prepared to leave immediately. Eva was handed 1,000 GP and a mandate to research "whatever she wanted". The journeyman alchemist accepted the research funding with aplomb.

The train took the Warlocks to the southern border of Pirra. Broom flight carried them across warped terrain--huge chunks of turf and stone plucked from the earth like a child's blocks pulled from wet sand--and eventually the trio arrived at the outskirts of the flooded country closest to the town of Neuried.

Broken, starving people lined the drowned fields. Every fifty feet, some new horror greeted them--an overturning canoe full of the elderly; a schoolteacher surrounded by screaming children; a pale matron hauling a corpse from a tangled shrub with hunger in her eyes.

There was much to be done.